Day 1:
3rd June 2007
Sunday
Hazy and cold night
Singapore to Hong Kong to Beijing
Yays! I am out of singadamnpore!
The flight to hong kong was full of turbulence.
Once, the plane suddenly dipped really low and I swear I was floating weightless in air for that moment.
they said that the purpose of life vests on planes ain’t to save no lives, it’s just to allow the flotation of dead bodies SO that they can find our dead bodies easily.
Provided we are not eaten by sharks, that is. HOHOOHOHO.
And the brace position they asked us to get into if there’s an emergency landing?
That’s just to protect our teeth so that in case of plane crash, bodies can once again be identified by dental records.
Morbid shittes.
As if that wasn’t enough, our plane to
Morbid thoughts about getting blown into smithereens again.
Anyways, the airport in hk is beautiful.
It was built with ceiling to ground glass panels, so one could admire the majesty of mountains and the land and sea sprawling into the distance.
Unlike
Then it hit me. I AM OUT OF
And then we arrived at
The night we arrived, the sky was SO hazy we can’t see beyond a few lamp posts..
I AM IN
Day 2:
4th June 2007
Monday
Hot
Beijing: Peking University: Tiannanmen and Wang Fu Jing and Wu Dao Kou
Lessons started proper!
Toured around campus and found out it was the 2nd most beautiful campus in china.
Beautiful HUGE campus with loads of beautiful historical pavilions and buildings of old
Beautiful pond with a frame of draping willows.
we were dead lost.
Is frustrating. Yet we push on.
Traveled aimlessly for an hour, and then walked on foot aimlessly and found ourselves at tian nan men!
Amazing!
In short, everything is plain big.
You just stand there and go, wow, humans are so small in size.
Then you realize the impressive monuments are works of humans…..which actually accentuates the beauty of the sky and nature, balancing the delicate yin and yang of man and nature.
My photos does the impressive beauty zero justice.
And when we finally found wang fu jin…
That pretty much explains our hungriness and erm.... un-adventurous-ness?
And then it tasted like crab too… its like chewing on an extra salty little leg of a hermit crab.
Nothing especially gross about the taste…
Anyways, it didn’t occur to me that we were REALLY in CHINESE china all these while because I’ve still been sprouting singlish with my friends.
It was only when we HAD to order food, then I had to communicate in Chinese, that I truly realize that I am in the
when I was ordering food… my inept Chinese made me feel so foreign I was taken aback.
Day 3:
5th June 2007
Tuesday
Disturbingly HOT
I swear, the great wall is not like any other walled passageway.
It was humungous.
Not only just humungous.
Its frigging steep!!!!
If mountains were difficult to climb, the great wall made it even more unclimbable.
I was dead panting when I’ve reached the fifth tower and I wanted to puke my guts out.
Didn’t take much pictures because I was totally shagged out.
I WILL not succumb to peer pressure to enter self into a race evar.
Stupid shits. Ended looking like dead shagged at the great wall.
But anyways, honestly, its really steep.
And not to mention it’s scorchingly baking hot in the merciless summer sun.
I really wonder how warriors/slaves in the past built and climbed out the great wall with all the armor/loads.
And the steps have already been renovated to be wider.
Can you imagine how jagged and steep and perilous the great wall would have been in the past?
it's a symbol of the collective spirit of the people, sweating blood and dying on the jagged rocks of the great wall for the greater good, ala utilitarian ethics.
We had lunch at some touristy place which provided Gao Liang alcohol for free.
It was like, 54% alcohol.
It was da bomb. Like, beers at most have 6% and vodka 11%?
The alcohol burns the buccal cavity and stings the throat and the favor refuses to go away even after downing other dishes.
Day 4:
6th June 2007
Wednesday
HOT
Beijing: stuck in Peking University
Woke up early for breakfast with jy and the-guy-who-asked-me-why-evelyn-you-are-always-alone-slash-why-evelyn-you-suddenly-have-a lot-of-pimples-yc.
We had xiao long bao on
I was totally expecting to get delicious xiao long bao, filled with succulent juicy pork bits swimming in lard and crunchy chestnut, and neatly wrapped with a pastry skin with 18 folds.
BUT to my dismay! The Beijingers have a different conception of xiao long bao!
It was like dried up xiao rou bao!
*sobs*
Lecture today was in Chinese again.
Boring day with nothing much going on. Mugged mugged mugged.
Day 5:
7th June 2007
Thursday
HOT
Beijing: Peking University: taoist temple, buddhist temple, mosque. all of which i cannot remember the name.
Another field trip day.
Spent the day visiting places of worship.
After a while, one can’t help but to notice that all the temples/mosques look alike, with that intricately patterned roof tiles and painted pillars and flowery cornices along the edges of the beams and stone sculptures and etchings.
Not particularly interesting, up till the part where we were released to a shopping district selling ALL the imitation goods.
I bombed $110 sing dollars on gifts for my family.
And I had only changed for $500 sing dollars worth of RMB.
I am screwed. i still have 22 days in china. I have not enough RMB.
And I JUST realized that I SHOULDN’t have bought imitation goods……….. because they dun last! Like, durh!
But they looked so cheap affordable I couldn’t resist it.
Ended up feeling crapped up about impending poverty.
Day 6:
8th June 2007
Friday
HOT
Beijing: Peking University - stuck there mugging the whole day
I am convinced I have been cheated.
The lecture today was ONCE again in Chinese. SO is the lecture notes.
and they said it would be in english. :(
Nothing much again today, another mugging day.
Met a few fellow Singaporeans who were studying there in Peking University and recognized our unmistakable Singaporean accent and Singlish.
Honestly, I still dun have the feeling that I am in
I am surrounded by Singaporeans all the time and I can’t feel the Chinese vibes at all.
Maybe because I haven’t got no requirement to speak or write in Chinese in class?
Am I really in
The more we expect places to be vastly different, the more similar things turn out to be.
Day 7:
9th June 2007
Saturday
HOT
Beijing: Peking University: forbidden city, 798 art district, tian tan
Visited the
Wonderful place, but it’s under renovations and covered with scaffoldings at some portions, which robbed the architectures of its majesty and grandeur.
It was dreadfully crowded.
I didn’t have much mood for photo taking because the wonders of tiled roofs and beautiful pillars and beams had worned off me, what with the over touring of temples and mosques.
However, we took many SMU jump shots.
We then proceeded to 798 art district.
I tell you, the place breathes culture.
The graffiti on the buildings... are awesomely raw and totally unrefined.
We wandered around looking for a restaurant for lunch and stumbled into many cafes and little tea houses which oozed charm and coziness.
There was a glass tea house with a tree growing out of it at the bend of the road, ala the lake house.
Cozy and chill-out with a sophisticated feel. But unfortunately priced waay above our shallow pockets.
In the end, we filed into an artsy fartsy joint which played Jamie Cullum music and sex fetish photography as its main decoration.
At the backyard of the restaurant, there was this huge exhibition area of more sex fetish photography and sculptures and paintings.
I like the vibe of the 798 area.
Its cozy. Its chill out. Its worn out and run down. Its suggestive and sophisticated.
It’s a mishmash of art works, of expressions and beauty.
And then we went to tian tan, which was another majestic place where emperors received their mandate from heaven.
Glorious place which cameras will fail to capture its majesty and the feeling of the land swirling around the sky.
Its something to do with optical illusion of the tiles.
But because of the crowd and limits of camera skills….. no justice is done man.
We might as well just fool around. :P
And then its back to MUG.
Day 8:
10th June 2007
Sunday
Indoors. Weather unknown.
Beijing - stuck in PU mugging.
Wanted to go to the zoo… But we ended up mugging the whole damn day.
A students life.
Day 9:
11th June 2007
Monday
Warm and hazy
Beijing : Mugging in Peking University the whole day again.
Lecture once again in mandarin.
I’m NOT expecting any English no more.
I have been officially cheated.
Really EMO day.
Everyone’s not feeling happy.
We went out at 9pm for dinner after mugging.
The sky was unexpectedly heavily hazy and the skies were lit red with smoky air.
And the winds were strong.
People on bicycle were riding much faster than usual.
My dad just called yesterday to warn me of funny weather changes going on in
I got morbid.
And told friends that I don’t feel good about the weather, what with the red threatening skies and chao ta air.
they agreed.
As we walked down the dusty and dark road, I commented that the worst thing that can happen is to have someone jumping out of the bushes suddenly.
JUST as I’ve said that, the street lamps died.
OMG I screamed my ass off.
And then the street lamps came back on.
Right.
Eerie.
Am going back to mugging now.
Day 10
12th June 2007
Tuesday
Windy and sticky humid = bad hair day
Beijing: Peking University: Yuheyuan aka summer palace, Peking ducks and Peking opera.
our day, once again, begun very early and we were out of bed by 6am.
the sun rises at 4.30am over at beijing, and the curtains weren't thick.
its hard to sleep through the summer sun!
for once, all of us wore our jeans out because the weather prediction sez it would rain.
but it didn't.
the wind was cold and the air was really humid though.
jeans were sticking onto my legs like second skin.- NOT comfy.
at the summer palace, i ran into a chinese dude with a green shirt which had PEACE printed on it.
since i was wearing a green shirt printed with HAPPY, my friends dared me to go up to him and take a picture with him. which i did.
anyways, china is indeed breathing with culture and active senior citizens who pass time dancing, singing, playing cards, calligraphy etc etc.
i look at singapore and my heart cries.
after spending the whole morning trawling around the summer palace - which was reallllllly humungous i really wonder how the empress travelled here from the forbidden city which was really quite far away by foot or by horse - we went for peking duck which was oilily delicious.
and then we went for peking opera which - i can't believe i am saying this - is really entertaining.
they had 3 segments; the first 2 being total rubbish i couldn't really tell whats going on. something about a clam lady finding her clam mother. and some goddess killing the clam mother.
the third was about sun wu kong borrowing the fan from iron fan lady, and it was really fantastic because unlike the previous clammy people, this sun wu kong and iron fan lady had looooooooooads of facial expressions and martial arts move which was really entertaining.
and so spells the end of the day.... and we went back to hostel to prepare for our presentation for the next morning!
horrors!
Day 11
13th June 2007
Wednesday
Cold showers and wind
Beijing: Peking University : Offprice outside Ximen of Peking University
the day didn't begin too well.
for one, we mugged till 3am and there was only internet connection outside at this particular spot at the garden table under a tree where the persistent mosquitoes were.
thank gawd for NS quality mosquito repellent -which are strong enough to melt plastic!
for two, we woke up at friggin 6am to consolidate. :(
after the presentation, we wanted to go celebrate but we were all emo and in a foul and tired mood so we only went to some dingy shopping mall which sold really fugly clothes which
bright side of the day?
i touched real mahjong tiles and played mahjong the first time in my life! :D
Day 12
14th June 2007
Thursday
HOT
Beijing: Peking University: "best" farm in whole of beijing and prolly china, prof treats to kbox.
woke up at unearthly hours again today for a farm trip.
i was expecting real rural farms.
instead it was this "great" farming/ housing suburb(for ageing city folks) which was meticulously planned by the chinese communist government back then... which was full of erm, propaganda and erm, more propaganda...... which had more empty apartment housing units than real farm crops.
but yeah, the farm food was good and fresh nevertheless.
they grew it more of like, hydroponics than the traditional farming techniques.
sad.
prof treated us to kbox, and it came with free drinks and buffet.
and NO. i'm sorry to say i didn't enjoy it because 1, i cant sing, 2, i honestly can't sing because i know zilch chinese songs, and 3, i can't sing because the english songs available are really oldies and 4, i really cant sing. and therefore had to sit miserably for the entire 2 -3 hours but went to play pool (oh yeah the prof booked an entire kbox suite so there was pool table) and entertain myself.
my first time at k box. HOHO.
but yeah everyone's happy over there so i got infected and was happy too. sort of. ok u get what i mean.
Day 13
15th June 2007
Friday
Dusty and hot
Last day in Beijing: Peking University and 798 art district
we didn't get enough of 798 art district the other day (like 1 hour there for lunch only, hello!!), so we went back there again today after graduating with a peking uni cert and cam whored.
not posting pictures of the art exhibits here.... because of copyright reasons. (like who cares, i'm just lazy)
can't believe that our journey in china is half over! and wasted on mugging!
so totally looking forward to the back packing segment of our adventure! weee~~~
and not to mention...... i only had $400 worth of renminbi... and i still haven't paid for lodgings and transport.......and 11 more days to go...
p.s. i only realized when i got back home that Peking Uni is like, the most kick ass uni in china. omg. if i knew i would have taken more pictures looking studious over there!! me>> ignorant hillbilly. and i also found out that ric's buddy is the president of sg students society in PU. ooooh.
Day 14
16th June 2007
Saturday
Windy, cold and gloomy
SHANGHAI baby~ : shanghai city central youth hostel: the Bund, people's square
flew to shanghai, turbulent flight, happy to land.
there was this chinese man on the flight, chatting to an angmoh.
both were strangers.
and the chinese started telling the ang moh how to pick up chinese girls.
he said to the man, "just wave your passport, the girls, they will jump on you, you undestand? just wave you passport!"
and i was like -_-"
traffic ain't looking that bad eh?
lurve the shanghai youth hostel. it was reaalllllly clean and neat, great aircon, great curtains which the 4.30am summer sun cannot shine through.
and great guitars, pool table, and fooseball. luuuuuuuurve it.
do u see the propaganda....?
hoodlums by the streets.
u can imagine the passers by staring.... :P
they were staring
evolution of a computer geek!
night falls...
chilling out..
shanghai is really beautiful... mishmash of old buildings...
colonial buildings.... phallic like pearl towers...
17th June 2007
Sunday
Strangely cold
Shanghai: Youth hostel, Old Shanghai, Yu Yuan
nothing much going on today.
too shagged from yesterday's travelling.
Day 16
18th June 2007
Monday
Warm
Shanghai >> Hangzhou, Hangzhou international youth hostel >> xi hu
took train to hangzhou, checked into hostel.
hostel is gross. ok u might call it rugged....
it was made out of wood...the spiral stairs up made of rusting and therefore unsafe metal.. the bathroom was dim and gross... ugh.
strange american backpackers at the inn who pop by saying "ni hao, wo ai ni!"
we rode on rented bikes, wanting to explore the scenic xi hu, and then we realized that no bikes are allowed in the parks around the lake. -_-
and so we cycled around the city area.
we nearly got into an accident though... we = noobs.
and so, we parked our bikes elsewhere, like the typical singaporean with island mentality, our bikes were all huddled together in an island.. :S
didnt get enough of the lake though.. we were too tired by the train ride, i guess....
yeah...
Day 17
19th June 2007
Tuesday
Very humid and warm
Hang Zhou>> Shanghai - Xi Hu and pubbing at Shanghai's bund area.
we hired a boat and reached the landmark ^^ of hangzhou.
thats supposed to warn the village of floods.
when we were there, it was pearl harvesting season.
like, it only happens once in 5 years.
great time to buy pearls. but i was erm..... lacking in cash.... so i didn't buy no pearls.
besides, who knows what is real and what is fake?
i was more fascinated by the clam though.......
that was lunch. hohohohooh. it looks like its desperately crawling out of my plate...
anyways, i had diarrhoea and was in a foul mood.
yups.... so after touring the lake proper, we took a train back to shanghai.
and at night, we went to this pub.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmz. i dunno man. i guess i'm not really a pub person. cos lounging around with great music and alcohol just makes me wanna sleep, not high.
but then again, maybe its the diarrhea and travelling which tired me out.
Day 18
20th June 2007
Wednesday
cool but humid
Shanghai: Shanghai museum, Raffles City
pretended to be cultured by going to the museum
the only culture that we have is bacteria.
end of joke. hahahhahaha.
right.... somehow, i guess we were too tired to enjoy our last day at shanghai.
tooo much city landscape.
i mean, yeah its beautiful and i thoroughly enjoyed but still... u know... maybe its because i am broke.
Day 19
21st June 2007
Thursday
hooooooooooooooooooot
Shanghai>> Hongkong>> Shenzhen >> Yang Shuo/guilin
riiiiiiiiight. today is a horribly long day spent travelling and the start of what i feel, real backpacking.
the flight from shanghai to hk took about 2 hours.
from hk to shenzhen took 2 hours.
shenzhen to yangshuo bus ride took 10 hours.
but it was goooood.... in that i finally got my long lost sleeep on the sleeper bus.
first time taking a sleeper bus. and it was kewl! double decker beds in bus!
but the ride was horribly bumpy.
thank god for my motion sickness pills.
doubled the dosage a slept like a log.
and oh. i only had 30 renminbi left in my pocket. that translates to 6 sing dollars.
poverty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i still can't believe how i dared to travel to yangshuo for 3 days with only six dollars!
and we were stranded!!!
hopes that it'll stay there when we come back from yangshuo!
but anyways, the 10 hour bumpy ride to yang shuo was worth it.
because we left hk seeing this.....
and we woke up to see this!!!
and THIS is when i went YES i am finally in CHINA!!! woots~~
Day 20
22nd June 2007
Friday
HOT like mad!!!! 36 degrees!!! scorching sun!!!
Yangshuo: Moon mountain, Caving, Mudbath, River Rafting, real farms!
this is positively the best day of my life.
it gets even better at night.... when we lie on the rooftop and gawk at the stars and moon-bathed mountains surrounding us, basking under the moonlight moontanning. luuuuurve it.
right now i am toooo tired.
but gosh. this. is. what defined my china trip.
we arrived at yangshuo of guilin after an ardous 10 hour bus ride through the night.
honestly, i am amazed that we arrived in one piece, and that the bus did not topple over and get into any accident.
but truly truly, the 10 hours of bumpy bus ride was worth every bit because yangshuo is a truly beautiful place and i hope that when i go to himalayas at the end of this year, it would be just as beautiful. :D or even more beautiful! :DD
once we got out of the bus, we were bombarded with chinese local tour guides, each one being persistent and stalking us to our cheapo backpacker's inn.
in the end, we trusted this singaporean-looking chinese local who could speak english to be our tourguide in yangshuo.
yc was very wary of this tourguide though. because the tourguide was a guy.
he preferred this old auntie local tourguide.
but we out voted yc.
after pottering around and washing up, we went out to have lunch and had MORE locals pestering us, wanting to be our tourguides.
honestly, i dunno what made us trust thomas, our tourguide, because these dodgy tourguides could very well bring us to some godforsaken mountain, rob us and then steal our kidneys, and feed us to the dogs.
but anyways, thomas turned out to be a great tourguide, but we can't help feeling cheated on the 2nd day... which i will elaborate laters.
thomas started the tour by bring us around yangshuo, on bikes...
man, it was super hot. like 36 degrees and the sun burns the skin.
we cycled for a long time before we reached the moon mountain.
but the journey, though burning hot, was worth it because the scenery - the mountains, the naked skies, the vast expanse of padi fields, the uneven village roads, the odd vehicles, the red peeling paint on wooden signboards - was what i was lusting after.
after admiring the moon mountain, we cycled to the water caves... and went caving!
entering the caves was like entering another world.
it was like this submarine ride i once took when i was younger in disneyland.
this was waaay awesome.
we had to lower ourselves onto a bamboo raft, and brace ourselves as we enter the caves so that we wouldn't bump our heads into the precious forming limestone.
when i went to perth's limestone cave on a geography trip.... the limestones weren't as cool as the ones here... i dunno. maybe its the river that ran through the cave which made it so damn cool.
as we entered the cave, the ceiling of the cave became higher and higher, and soon, we were able to get out of the raft and walk in the cave.
the paths were rocky and unstable, plus we had to wear the bath room slippers they provided into the cave, and those flimsy slippers sure didn't help in protecting the feet from the sharp rocks.
but that's besides the point because the cave was really cool. also in the sense that it was really cooling compared to the searing heat outside.
anyways, after ooohing and aaahing at the beautiful rock formations which the locals have imagined to resemble deities and animal gods, we saw a mud pool, the highlight of the cave, and jumped into it though it looked absolutely icky and smelled like pee.
and we could float on the knee height mud pool ala dead sea!
f.y.i. we are NOT naked.
then we climbed deeper into the cave and found a natural water fall!!
we climbed up the rocks and washed off the filthy mud.
anyways, we were all utterly disappointed in yc, who peed in another freshwater pool we were supposed to wash up in.
he was standing, pee position, over the pool we were supposed to wash up in.
and he's not fooling us. he really did it.
-_-" i wonder why i have friends like that.
after that incident, we all un-friended him.
after we got out of the cave, we cycled through the even more rural areas of yangshuo...
his bicycle brake was faulty and he fell into the padi field!
after cycling through the treacherous potholed roads and padi fields, we got to this sparkling clean river and did bamboo rafting.
once we got past the rapids, meishi and i jumped into the river and swam.
it felt damn good.
before we knew it, the sky turned darker and darker....
and it got really creepy as the trees at the river bank fluttered in the wind.
and soon, night fell.
the only illumination we got was from the moon, and the moon light reflected from the river, and it was reallllllly beautiful i swear.
and then the river banks litted up with fireflies!!!!!!!
omg all my life i have never seen live fireflies, flickering in the night.
i could faint with ecstasy.
with the roads litted by nothing else but the moonlight and dancing fireflies, we cycled back to the central area of yangshuo for dinner.
and omg, we ate snails!
then we got back to the inn.
we chilled out at the rooftop, massaging each other's sore muscles while we basked under the moonlight and stars, surrounded by the silhouette of mountains.
omg. soooooooooooo beautiful.
but it was too dark to take picture with a camera.
*sighs*
Day 21
23rd June 2007
Saturday
HOT ass HOT
Yangshuo>> River ride >> old towns >> swimming in river >> maiden motorbiking experience
this yc.... i really can't tell when he is joking or if he is really... -_-
he took a packet of tissue from hp, and went to the loo.
and returned from the loo looking very distressed with a roll of toilet paper.
in public.
walking in the streets, like that.
when we saw him we were like -_- , 'O' ,:D
man... it was flying in the air with wind through the dilapidated dusty streets.
damn cool.
downed bottles of beer.
feeling high and feeling good.
jy was totally lobster red.
Day 22
24th June 2007
Sunday
IMMOBILIZING HOT 38 degrees!
Yangshuo - too damn hot. >> shenzhen
stayed holed up in room until they kicked us out at 12 noon
and then i holed up in a shopping mall and could not buy anything cos i had no more money and had to live off friends like a leech.
in poverty, you know who your friends are.
and thankfully, all of them are. hahahaha.
this was all we had left....
holed up until it was 9pm - time to sleep bus back to shenzhen.
Day 23
25th June 2007
Monday
Hot -think singapore kinda hot
Shenzhen >> Hongkong - mongkok, xin guang da dao, victoria's peak
this is possibly our most poorest day in china.
assuming that the sleeper bus takes us directly to the shenzhen train station which leads to hongkong, we had stupidly nearly spent ALL our RMB.
at least for me, i know i had ZERO RMB left.
and then, we realized when we reached shenzhen that we have to take another bus to the train station.
horrors of horrors.
we dug frantically for money.
each bus ride costs 2 RMB - s$0.40
and i didn't have the money.
sobs. eternally grateful.
and then when we got to hongkong, hp whipped out a 10 RMB note.
-_-"
blah blah blah we arrived at our mongkok inn...
and obviously we were totally shagged from our 14 houred bus ride - somehow coming back to shenzhen took much longer.
yeah... not much happened.
victoria's peak was beautiful.
so was the madam tussad's .
but overall, nothing beats yangshuo.
BUT OH the food in hk is like. OMG.....!!!!
Day 24
26th June 2007
happy birthday leney~
Tuesday
bearably hot
Hongkong>> mongkok, xin guang da dao, temple street
people in hongkong dress so well even in summer.
honestly, singaporeans can't blame the horrid weather for dressing badly.
oh well.
jumped up in joy today when i spotted krispy kremes, the holy mecca of all doughnuts.
immediately rushed in and bought a dozen of assorted doughnuts from the group pool.
we then went to xin guang da dao to savor the doughnuts...
and would u believe me if i said we shared the doughnuts by passing down the the doughnut and taking a bite at every doughnut?
now that i think about it, shits man, we are crazy and super unhygienic!
and they had fireworks rehearsal for that day cos they gonna celebrate their return to china?
yeah sth like that. not very spectacular.
but the bamboo of hk had interesting lights...
then we went to temple street night market.
its disappointing and should not be mentioned as a place of interest at all.
-_-
Day 25
27th June 2007
Wednesday
Tropical heat
Hongkong>> Singapore...
last day of travel.
feeling extremely reluctant to return to Singapore.
from all these traveling.... what have i learnt about myself and have i changed?
one thing is... i realized that i have been suppressed for a long time and that i haven't been my joyful self for a very long time.
going on the trip away from all responsibilities and expectations helped me find my long lost sanguine self......
and did i like that sanguine self of mine?
while i was 'it', i definitely enjoyed.
but now on hindsight, thinking back on all the things i did and said, it was like another foreign me.
and i am embarrassed at how crappy i was when i am my sanguine self.
i don't know why, that when i am with that group of friends who backpacked with me, that i could be so free and uninhibited, like how i am with my sister and cousin.
i feel like they do not judge me. and i feel accepted.
on the plane back to singapore... i talked to sw about everything... about my fears of returning to singapore and how i don't want to return to the life i had in singapore.
well... i guess she was frustrated listening to me whine throughout the entire trip about things.. and on the plane, she said that i had better do something about it or talk to about it.
but anyways.... now i am adjusted back to the singapore life that i am in singapore already.
and everything doesn't feel that bad anymore.
the world still looks like an oyster to me.
and i did what i felt i had to do and had a talk about it.
whether what i did was right or wrong.... i don't know.
but i'm glad to let it out... i didn't know that it had been simmering in me for so long.
each time i was denied, a little part of hope in me died.
and slowly i had become so dead in hopes i didn't even realized that i no longer had any expectations - which is to say i had given up hoping and not even realized that.
i hoped for nothing and had no expectations but still couldn't even be surprised.
i've gone zen.
or maybe i still have that little shred of hope.... i don't know.
one last chance?
i really don't know.
